Article Side

Online Article Directory!

Hello Guest! Login or Register to submit articles!

How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Subscribe to RSS | December 19th 2011 | Views:
loading
 
  


We have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.

Another major way we avoid or try to get rid of our painful feelings is making others responsible for them in various ways. When we are filled with painful feelings and are not open to our Guidance to help us learn from them and release them, we might dump them on others in various ways, in an effort to release them. How do you dump your feelings onto another?

* I yell at, judge and/or blame someone, hoping they will understand how much I’m hurting and change what they are doing; or be compassionate, caring and approving; or give me permission to do something I want to do, but am not allowing myself to do.

* I calmly and relentlessly complain about something over and over, badgering the other person, with the hope that they will say just the right thing to release the painful feelings in me. I believe that if they agree, change, or acknowledge what they are doing, I will feel better. Even if they do say the “right” thing, I keep at it, because it’s never right enough.

* I cry as a pathetic victim, hoping the other person will feel badly enough to give me the compassion I’m not giving myself, or that they will stop doing what they are doing that is hurting me, so that I don’t have to take loving action for myself.

* I talk on and on, addictively, hoping that if I talk enough and get enough attention from the other person, my pain will release.

* I shut down and withdraw my love from the other person, hoping they will feel badly enough to change and give me the understanding and compassion I’m not giving to myself.

* I try to have sex with my partner to release my stress and feel better about myself.

What happens in your relationships when you do any of these addictive things? While these wounded, self-abandoning behaviors may work temporarily to distract you from your pain, they all result in more disconnection and loneliness between you and those important to you. While it might seem as if the pain subsides when you dump your feelings onto others, all that really happens is that the feelings go deeper within and get stuck in your body, causing many physical and emotional problems.

THE ALTERNATIVE

The alternative is to do Inner Bonding: opening to learning about how you are causing your wounded feelings, learning about what your core feelings are telling you about a person or a situation, bringing love and comfort inside from your spiritual Guidance, and releasing the feelings in ways that don’t hurt you or others – crying while holding your inner child, doing an anger process or being willing to release your feelings to Spirit. All of these ways of managing your feelings will create much more release then dumping them out on another.

When you take 100% responsibility for learning to manage your own painful feelings, learning from them and releasing them in healthy ways, then you can be present with others with an open heart. You no longer need to use others to get rid of your painful feelings. When two people in a relationship are each taking responsibility for their own feelings in healthy ways, their relationship flourishes in love, passion, fun, learning, growth and joy.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. - About Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to discover real love and intimacy? Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Share on Facebook Tweet It Stumbleupon this post This post is delicious !

Article Source:
http://www.articleside.com/relationship-articles/how-do-you-make-others-responsible-for-your-painful-feelings.htm

Related Relationship Articles Subscribe to RSS

Six steps to fall out of love
Published by Melanie Goss on May 16th 2012 | Relationship
There are times when all of us tend to fall in love. We go through many highs and lows and sometimes...
 
Shun away your inhibitions and get your lady love with these tips
Published by Sinnsattraction on January 23rd 2012 | Society
Quite often is it seen that whenever you are prepared to share your feelings with the girl you like,...
 
In order to have a promising relationship with a sugar daddy, you need to know what good qualities to look for.
Published by Anthony Mckeown on May 3rd 2012 | Relationship
Finding a Sugar daddy can be tough. With a lot of people enjoying the benefits of new money and the ...
 
USA dating sites to entertain you and take you to a new love life
Published by Mary Clab on August 21st 2012 | Relationship
You’ll exchange mails, have some fun conversations and currently verify if you'll meet on a date. ...
 
USA dating sites to entertain you and take you to a new love life
Published by Mary Clab on August 21st 2012 | Relationship
You’ll exchange mails, have some fun conversations and currently verify if you'll meet on a date. ...
 
Bring Your Spouse to Canada Instantly
Published by John Smith on August 17th 2012 | Relationship
Do you want to get your spouse to Canada? Do you want your family to immigrate to Toronto? Are you u...
 
Zoe Kazan Promotes ‘Ruby Sparks’, Discusses Love and Unsuccessful Relationships
Published by Jacob Dickson on August 16th 2012 | Relationship
Zoe Kazan is something of a chameleon. A talented chameleon. The petite 28 year old not only happens...
 
Internet Dating: Pluses and Minuses
Published by Anthony Peter on August 16th 2012 | Relationship
More than twenty million people world-wide are estimated to be looking for on-line friendship, roman...
 
A Wonderful Marriage
Published by Suman Mishra on August 8th 2012 | Relationship
A lot of people make the an error of supposing that they should have to have a lot in common with th...
 
Best Article Writing Service - Anchor Text Uses in a Eo Content Vriter Linkbaks How
Published by OSCARORTIZ on August 13th 2012 | Relationship
Best article writing service in recent articles, we have been talking of new posts and have made a n...